dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
