dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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