he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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