My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
false alarm. still invincible.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
