As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
