hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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