I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
