I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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