He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
