I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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