And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
