hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
