worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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