Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
