By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
