If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
