K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
