I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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