If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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