just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
