My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
