Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
