You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
