I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize