I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
