So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
