Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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