So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
