I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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