**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
someone threw a dead crab at me
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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