Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
