I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
