Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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