Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
