The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
