tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize