I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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