You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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