I am full of burrito and curiosity
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
