if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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