Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
