i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
