Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
