im six kinds of drunk right now
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
