It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
