I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
