Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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