You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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