I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
pray to the hookup gods
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize