weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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