Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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