a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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