In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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