so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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