I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
