I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
