Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
