dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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