I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
