i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You are the jesus of drinking
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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