I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sext me about skeletons
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize