Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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