we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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