If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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