Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
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