Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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