i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
