I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
