this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
