I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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