I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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