Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
