Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize