I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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