guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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