hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
we're so committed to being not committed
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