So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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