Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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